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Have not posted in a while for lots of reasons. All vanilla reasons and nothing to worry about. s and I had a very hot and wonderful evening last night during and after our viewing of Steven Shainberg's "Secretary" (2002). Unfortunately, our hot play for the evening was not assisted too greatly by the movie. In fact, I was fairly disappointed in 90% of it. I would certainly recommend it as a rental to anyone in the lifestyle, you may have a different take. DISCLAIMER . . . I am no formal critic by any stretch of the imagination, but I am going to emphasize more the depiction of dominance and SM that was the main focus of the film. As far as the acting performances, I was generally satisfied with the performances of both Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, it was the way they handled the Dominance and submission and the sado masochism that was so disappointing. Not only did Steven Shainberg appear to try and throw in every flavor of BDSM under the sun into one film, but he made it out to be some sort of psycological disorder rather than a passionate outlet between consenting adults. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that cutting and self mutilation is the worst thing a person can do (I am certainly not making any judgments here), but it is definitely displayed in the movie as a severe psychological disorder. It was the transaition from the cutting to the submission and masochism that was one of the most disturbing aspects of the movie to me. Even a casual vanilla viewer would most likely find that it was unfair to equate masochism between consenting adults as a phsycological disorder and the groundwork was clearly laid for that interpretation. s, and most of the other submissives that I have come to know is confident, independent and free of any psyological disorders and deficiencies. Second, they made James Spader's character out to be an obsessive compulsive weirdo. Not that Doms do not come in all shapes and sizes, but this guy was the last individual who I would ever see as a dom. He had little self confidence and control over his sexuality and personal relationships. And what was with those three little scenes of Maggie Gyllenhaal's search for a Dom. I know there are a lot of creeps and posers out there in our lifestyle, but those three were just too silly to even take seriously (if you can even remotely consider the one guy who was tied to the stove begging to have tomatoes thrown at him a Dom). It was a nice enough love story all in all, with a nice, if not completely predictable ending. But this is not why we watched it. We hoped to see a good reflection of our lifestyle and I for one was once again disappointed. Again, not that I am a cinema buff, but after Quills, Story of O and (clearing throat and chuckling) East of Eden, is it that hard to capture the essence of our lifestyle. While s finds a good deal of merit in 9 and 1/2 weeks, I found it more risqueesexuality than lifestyle. One that we both found interesting and were surprisingly pleased with was the film adaptation of The Girl with the Pearl Earring. What do you all think. Any suggestions for further viewing? I am happy with all of the books I have read, but sometimes like a good kinky movie now and then. Please help us out a little here. . .
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After doing a little housekeeping on my profile and Friends list, I have determined that from now on most of the explicit and more personal posts on this journal are now going to be locked as Friends Only. If you are interested in being added as a friend and feel that you will have something substantial to contribute to these entries (ie. not just a comment saying "Wow, that is Hot" to one of my sessions postings), submit a comment to this posting and I will consider adding you. All of my postings are Real Life Experiences and not just fantasies or erotic fluff, so I am only interested in people who are interested in Real Life stories and musings about a loving, committed, and married BDSM couple.
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Looking for comments from everyone out there, but hopefully can get some comments from Dom/Dommes as well. As some of you may know from reading my previous entries and replies, s and I, while married, do not have a 24/7 D/s relationship. With this in mind, what I have found difficult at times, being a gentle and considerate Dom, is how to create a mood and set up for a scene or for play when my pet is not necessarily in the mood or is otherwise mentally pre-occupied. I know I can always gently push her to her knees or bend her over the couch or up against the wall, but I guess what I am looking for is whether any of you have any kickoff rituals or non-verbal displays which you use to initiate a non-scheduled scene. Cross Posting this to power exchange and male dom
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Not sure if I have spelled it right in the caption, but that is my subject for today. I have always been very turned on by fantasy and real time play between s and I and others. This has only occurred a few times outside the fantasy realm and involved a bit more vanilla sexual play than BDSM play. The issue now is that while I am interested in giving s to another Dom/Domme, with or without my supervision, I am also interested in Co-Domming with another Dom/Domme. s is such a good girl at times and is a real pain slut as well. I am very curious about how much pressure and stimulation from a BDSM perspective she can take and how much pleasure she is able to give to two Tops at the same time. I know she can be a fabulous slut in the purely sensual sense and I absolutely love watching her perform her magic, but being Topped, bound, beaten and pleasured by another . . . mmmmmmm. Have any of you out there had any experience in this realm, and if so, your comments and advice are greatly appreciated.
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s- K
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One of the things that I have noticed while reading through several posts and comments on other Male Dom / Fem sub journals and groups is that my wife and I appear to have a fairly unique relationship in that I am not verbally demeaning to her (In fact, when I have incorporated it into scenes in the past it went over like a lead balloon and significantly interfered with her sub space.) For me, the difficulty I find in getting too demeaning is that s is such a strong woman outside sub space. She is a powerful, successful, and well respected career woman, a fabulous and loving mother to my children and my best friend. We also do not have a 24/7 BDSM relationship, she is not a service sub and we do not have a M/s relationship in most aspects. What she is my submissive, my pleasure toy and a true, unabashed masochist. It is the Dominance and Power Exchange that fuels our world. She gives me everything, but I have a hard time taking her dignity and she has a hard time giving it up.
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With this post, I am going to explain how I came to be a Dominant. s will post how she came to be a submissive in a separate post. I would have to say that being a Dominant does not always come naturally to me. In fact, as s and I do not live 24/7 in this lifestyle, and have a very equal relationship in the vanilla sense, it often takes me some work to get into "Dom space". Don't get me wrong, when I want something I get it, but I can only freely take her power completely when she is in the right place to give it. Similarly, though not nearly as often, when she is in the right place to give herself to me completely, I am not always in the right place to take it. Being a good Dom takes some work sometimes, at least for me. So how did I come upon this lovely stage of sexual power. A little history may be helpful. I lost my virginity at a relatively young age for many (14). Almost immediately I was hooked on women and my sexuality. This is going to sound obnoxious to some, but I stared and leered with abandon. I am an unabashed boobs and hips man who loves curves in all the right places. From an early age, women would catch my eyes on them, but it never seemed to get me into too much trouble. I have big dimples when I smile, and it gave me a look of innocence which I could use to my advantage. While I was not a Dom from an early age, I was always a Top. Not selfish in any sense of the word, I got off on, and continue to get off on giving women pleasure and controlling their experience. I had the pleasure and the responsibility of being the first for most of the early partners in my life and I taught them how to please and be pleased. It is through the control that I developed my power, it was through the pleasure that I was always willing to give, that my partners received their just rewards. There is nothing more powerful to me than holding a woman's hips and thighs firmly in your arms as you bring her to the edge of a powerful orgasm, sometimes letting her cum, yet more often than not, stringing her along until she begs to let go. Orgasm control is a favorite tool of mine, and looking back, it always has been. Some would say that my oral talents are the result of being raised in a house full of women, but whatever the reason, my partners never complained. It was not until I met s that I began to truly explore my Dominant side. s came to me looking to give up her body and her power, she was looking to give up complete control. s had always used sex to control her men and loved being on top. It was not until she met me that she knew the pleasure of true submission. She had met her match in many ways, and trusted me to take her to new highs. I cherish the gift she has given me, and it is with pleasure that I am constantly thinking of perverse and passionate things to do with her body. As far as what floats our respective boats, it would have to be physical restraint through physical power or tools, percussion play, infliction of varying degrees of pain and ultimately, in every session, delayed and controlled orgasm. Bondage can be a handy technique and a nice change of pace, but true power for me has always been with my hands, arms, legs and torso. A hand on the back of the neck, a tug of the hair for direction, a tight grasp of the wrists above the head, a firm press up against the wall, or a literal throwing of s onto the bed, it is simple physical power which often fuels our play. I have about 75 lbs on s together with 6 inches in height, so she fits well beneath me. She has learned not to resist and gladly drops to her knees on command or a silent tug. I have gotten used to this kind of respect and treatment, and I have grown quite fond of our power exchange. This entry is getting long and cumbersome. More on restraints, percussion play, pain and control to follow in a later post. K
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Those of you that know us may wonder why it has taken so long for me to start posting regularly about the sexual and kinky aspects of our relationship. Hell, those of you that know me know that I can be a total horn dog with sex and play on my mind all the time. But hey, hopefully I will make up for lost time by writing a series of thoughtful posts about myself, s and our wonderful life we share together.
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curious
calm
nostalgic